Balancing Family and Graduate School

Staying Ahead of the Game

I've always been the sort of person who addresses things head-on and strives to stay ahead of the curve. When I returned to finish my BA at 30 in 2006, I was balancing a full-time job while touring with a punk band. I remember requesting syllabi from my professors over the summer, so I could read all the assigned books on the road, often spending six hours a day traveling between gigs. On the first day in one class, a classmate was shocked to find that I had not only read all the books but had also written the midterm and final paper. 

Juggling Graduate School and Family Life

Fast forward and I’m now in my second year in the Curriculum and Instruction PhD program at UAlbany. I'm still the person who likes to tackle things as soon as possible, but now, besides being in a band, I'm also married with two teenagers, and I run a small record label that also does show promotion. In other words, I’m very busy. My saving grace is that I’m not working full-time; instead, I spend 20 hours a week as a graduate assistant working for a professor and at the Pathways Into Education (PIE) Center, plus five hours a week as a graduate ambassador.

Managing Time Efficiently

So how am I managing it all? I follow a similar pattern to the one I used for my BA and MA. I try to complete any readings I can during summer and winter breaks if I have access to the course syllabus. If a class is asynchronous and all the modules are open, I’ll gladly dedicate a weekend to knocking out as much work as possible (though I don’t submit it right away, allowing my ideas to change and grow as I actively participate in the course). This is often done when my kids are spending the weekend with friends and my wife is busy with work or volunteer activities. 

If we’re driving five hours to visit grandparents, I ask to sit in the passenger seat so I can read and take notes. When I drop one of my kids off at a friend’s house for a three-hour movie night, I find a coffee shop nearby to work. In fact, I’m writing this now while getting my wife’s snow tires put on.

Setting an Example for My Kids

My 16-year-old has noticed and is following a similar pattern. She’s seen how working ahead has helped me manage the demands of the "Sandwich Generation," balancing aging parents and children. Since starting the program, we’ve lost two grandparents, one child was hospitalized for three nights with pneumonia worsened by asthma, and another was diagnosed with an illness that requires bi-monthly trips to NYC to see a specialist, and more. During these challenges, my oldest saw how I rarely stressed about assignments because I had banked work in advance. I do this because life happens—and sometimes you also want a few days for something fun. As such, I always plan ahead for family events and adjust due dates for assignments to make room for three-day weekends dedicated to family and relaxation (for the most part).

In short, here are five tips for balancing graduate school and your personal life:

1. Come up with a regular schedule that works for you. I get up at 5 a.m. and work until I wake up my kids. After they’re up, I’m present for them since I won’t see them for most of the rest of the day.
2. Find ways to carve out time for yourself each day. I love to cook, so I usually make dinner. Most of the time, I listen to music, but sometimes I listen to an assigned podcast.
3. Plan ahead for the good, the bad, the expected, and the unexpected by building a buffer and completing work in advance.
4. Take advantage of times when your kids are with friends or at activities to get work done, so you can be present to hear all about their experiences later.
5. Build a family calendar using Google or another service. It’s the only way I can keep track of my kids’ after-school activities, my wife’s schedule, my work, my activities, appointments, and more. We all have access to it, so everyone can see what our week looks like. The wall of colors can be daunting, but I’d rather see it coming than be surprised.